THE LABYRINTH OF MY THOUGHTS

Well, you can say that today is my last (real) holiday.:P My night class officially starts tomorrow.
And I'm still thinking about the new lesson plan.
But no worries, for the regular classes will start on January 12. That means I still have enough free time to do my fun hobbies. Reading, writing, exercising, watching HBO, listening to music, going all around the city all by myself...
I know.:| I'm well-aware that I just don't do much these days. How sad. I need something fresh, something new and more challenging, fun and exciting to do. It's been six months on the job, and maybe I could risk trying out for a freelance side-job. It's not that i'm not grateful with what I've already got now. I just need to...you know, find another experience. Polish some new skills. There's a slight difference between feeling grateful for what you've already got with...easily satisfied. I mean, if you're easily satisfied - then that's just it. You want to keep what you've already earned. Well, that's good. That's okay. But what then? What's next? Is it going to be just like that?No further progress at all? A complete stagnation in life - a.k.a.stuck?
Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not a greedy person. I know that everyone has their limitations. But is it wrong to raise our bars a little higher for once in a while? Of course not! We'll never know if we don't try, remember? That doesn't mean we want it all, because we can't always get everything that we want. We can only gain what we (might) need from our own experiences.
For me at least, being grateful is all about maintaining what you've already got - while still moving forward for something more. Is it possible? Well, I'm not asking the whole world to agree with me completely. But then again, why the hell not? This is about making the most of our lives here.

The Author

SO...MELLOW...AAARGH!:x

*deep sigh*
I can't believe this long holiday is very close to an end soon.:P My night class starts next Tuesday. My 'almost twin' at work Wahyu just reminded me that FCE starts again next Wednesday morning.
Well, at least I'm ready to make more money.*big evil grin*
I haven't done much since yesterday. Just reading, writing, and mostly losing myself in HBO and stuff. (Pretty lethargic, huh?:P) Oh, and I went to the gym yesterday. I paid for my and my brother's membership cards for this month. Then I pushed my usual speed limit a little faster on the treadmill. Cold Stone is yummy, but now I'm freaking out like crazy. There's no way in hell that I'd ever let myself slide and go back to being The Blimp. No way.*rolls eyes*
Don't get me wrong, people. I'm not so bloody shallow. If you've been treated bad because of your weight and how you look like, then you'll know what I mean. I just want to be more comfortable with myself. If we're not comfortable enough with ourselves, then we've got to do something about it, right? Well, that's what I'm doing with myself. Like I've already told my friend Patrick on his radio show long time ago, true beauty (actually) comes from a healthy body. If you're healthy, then you'll (normally) feel happy. If you're happy, then you'll feel more positive about yourself. Once you're feeling (more and more) positive about yourself, then the (hopefully saner) people will notice your true beauty and appreciate you as (who) you really are. How? I'm sure most of them can tell if you take care of yourself well or not. Isn't that right?
Right??
Well, what if the guy you have serious feelings for just isn't interested in you - at all? It's nobody's fault, actually. You're just not his type, although he's probably yours. He's just not that into you. It's not because you're not beautiful enough. (Please, don't buy that crap!) End of story. Don't fret too much about it. Trust me. You've got much better things to do. Don't waste your precious time.
Nick once told me kindly: "What matters more is what's in your heart, mind, and soul."
Awww...:)
:(...
I miss him. I miss him so. I somehow tried calling him, just to say happy new year, but he failed to pick it up in time. So I just left him a voice message: "Happy New Year, Nick."
And I still miss you so. God, help me, please...:'-(
Minutes later, his text came. He wrote about how sorry he was that he'd missed my call and he said happy new year too.:)
Either way, he's still a sweet friend, isn't he? I am still lucky. I should be grateful for that, at least.

"Di ruang rindu, kita bertemu..."

(In a room of longing, we shall meet)

("Ruang Rindu" by.Letto)

The Author

@MOSTFEAR AND BEDTIME STORIES

I didn't do anything special on New Year's Eve. I didn't go out, except to just play with the neighbour's cats on the streets. (They're just cute!:D Pretty kitties.) I mostly just stayed home, reading SPICE!'s latest issue and Sophie Kinsella's "Remember Me?" Watching "The Pirates of The Carribean Trilogy" marathon.
But on the afternoon, I got to hang out with the girls again - Fitri and Nezzie.:) And a guy - Nezzie's Tio.:P We hung out in FX, Senayan, Central Jakarta. We had ice cream at Cold Stone. (Actually, the girls had already had some before I came - because I was very late.*blushes* I got a little stuck in the rain.) Since I've already tasted the great chocolate fudge, I ordered cookie doughnut. It was sooo yummy too!:D
Then we decided to watch "Bedtime Stories" - starring Adam Sandler. On our way to the cineplex, I spotted "AtMostFear" - the tall, giant slide all the way from the seventh to the first floor.
I wanted to try that. In fact, I've been wanting to try that since the very first time I visited FX with Nezzie and Jules.
So, after buying the tickets for the seven pm show, I decided to buy another ticket for the "AtMostFear" challenge. It's tad expensive during holiday season, so the girls didn't feel like trying that out too. (And Nezzie said Tio would catch up with us soon.)
After that, I stood in a queuing line, waiting for my turn. I asked Nezzie to take my yellow bag for a while. The girls just waited outside the gate and watched.
By the time it was my turn, they asked me to wear several important things for my safety. The helmet. The huge (rather smelly, ugh!:|) jacket. The woolen-gloves (also smelly!:|) The knee-pads. A girl in a blue polo shirt with the "AtMostFear" logo asked me as she was helping me putting things on.
"First time?"
"Yes."
"Test-drive, huh?"
"Uh-huh."
"Okay, you're all set." She pat my arm and gestured me toward another entrance. I just spotted another daredevil disappear into an open, loophole tunnel and heard his (or her??) loud screech all the way down. I gulped and turned to the girl nervously.
"Any accident before?"
She laughed. "We don't want that to happen, do we?"
*gulps* Right. Of course, nobody does. Hehe.*shudders*
Here we go, I thought as I sauntered to approach the loophole thing. Four guys in the same blue polo shirts stood by to help with the preparation. One was a photographer (for their documentation, I suppose.) I saw a sled-like thing made of thin, rough cloth with a black leather rope on the front at the edge of the loophole. They told me to sit on it and put my feet in what looked like a huge bag in front of that sled-thing. It was pretty slippery. (Yikes!) They had to grab hold of my jacket so I wouldn't fall in way too soon and slide myself out of safety. I had to pull the rope to keep my feet covered. I had to lay back a little, but not completely down. They asked me to keep my chin pressed against my chest - the entire time.
"Don't ever let go, don't close your eyes, but it's okay to scream."
Whoa, wait! What is he talking about?:O
"Wait, turn around." I did, and faced the camera. "Smile!"
Click! I grinned (or winced? Grimaced??) Then I heard them say: "Ready?"
"Yes." Did I just say that?
But it was too late. With that just one push, off I went. Down and down inside the long, loophole tunnel in an enormous speed. I could see the plastic ceiling moving past my head until my body started spinning wildly. Dizzy! The next thing I knew, I closed my eyes the entire time and just...screamed. I was literally spiraling down the drain. I was screaming like I'd never screamed before. (Screaming? No! I was shrieking. Horror-movie shrieking!) I couldn't stop until I felt myself (finally!) thrown out of the loophole, flipped over and then landed pretty hard - close to the edge of the huge black mattress on the first floor. My very first thought was: Wait, where's my slipper?
It took a few seconds for me to breathe (normally) again, and then rolled back slowly. I saw two guys in blue polo shirts rush closer to me, but I just couldn't help myself. I threw my gloved fists in the air and shouted in victory. "WOOOHOOO!!!" I heard people laughing and I automatically joined in their laughter. I couldn't stop laughing, even as the guys helped me to my feet and started removing the helmet, the pads, the gloves, and the jacket. One of them returned my slipper - thrown off somewhere on the mattress behind me.
I guess this is what they call 'hysteria'.:*big evil grin*
As I wobbled around to see the huge screen, I spotted my time record and couldn't believe my eyes.
9:57.
Less than ten seconds. Wow!:O
And now I know why they call that "AtMostFear". It felt like an out-of-body experience!*giggles*
I half-staggered back to the elevator and returned to the seventh floor to meet the girls. By the time the double-doors parted, both Fitri and Nezzie were already in front of me - looking a bit worried. They said they saw me from the screen, flipped over and nearly falling off the mattress. It turned out that I'd stopped screaming completely at that time until Nezzie had to ask Fitri, "Is she okay?"
*giggles*
While waiting for the movie to start (and Tio too, of course), we ate early dinner at Cartel. The yummy potato wedges must be made with BBQ powder. And the sauce was made of cheese...and curry. Hmmm...:P
Tio finally came. We talked a while until it was time for the movie. I bought some orange juice before I got in.
"Bedtime Stories" is incredible. I love it!:D Very funny and heart-warming too. I wonder what would happen if I started telling some kid I know a story about an ordinary, non-princessy girl getting her prince of dreams despite the odds - then having it come true the next day.
:|...
I know. There's always this thing called 'real efforts'.

The Author

THE UNEXPECTED REMARK

If God wanted to send a direct message to me right now, I bet He'd say:
"You didn't pass last Ramadan's test. You're still temperamental."
:(...
Have I ever, actually? I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe never will.*shrugs* I mean, the angels on both of my shoulders have my scores. (Btw, I once told Nick about this and he just freaked out like crazy. Hehe.*big evil grin*) I can only feel and speculate about all I do. I mean, it's already been written long before this life ever existed that human beings tend to be so dull and repetitive - especially when it comes to making the same old mistakes again and again.
...........................
Btw, Happy New Hijriah Year for all muslims out there.:D May we become better with our true roles in this world. Amen.:)
Dad's relatives came to visit us last night. (Yes, this is just how they celebrate New Hijriah Year. Staying up late for their communal chat and eating until they're drop dead asleep.:P) I don't really mind, though. Besides, Mom made her famous, yummy spaghetti with meatballs - and they also brought over some fried noodles. So, it was practically a "noodle-night".:D
Then suddenly, my step-aunt somehow seemed to (want to) pick a fight with me. As I was about to shake her hand (like any polite, Javanese child should to the elders), she successfully froze my hand in mid-air by grinning and nonchalantly saying: "Wow, you're overweight again."
...........................
Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP, SHUT UP,SHUT UP, AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, you left your manners at home. I hope you can still remember that you're the guest here.*sneers*
No, I didn't say that back to her.:( But I didn't (want to) shake her hand either. I don't care if they all thought I was being rude.*rolls eyes* Hey, I didn't start the whole thing, okay? She did!:x Besides, nobody asked for her opinion about my body. It was also the second time she said that to me - IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY! GOD!! GRRRHHH...!!!
*scoffs* No use bitching. It's just the same old story once again. Nobody will take my side, so I'll just shut up. They'll simply accuse me for being overly touchy.
Thanks a lot, people. You can all forget that FAT people have feelings too.*rolls eyes*
*deep sigh*
My cousin texted me again about our plan to go to the gym tomorrow.:) Thank God, a quick anti-depressant for me - although the effect is still rather temporary. But hey, it's still better than nothing.
Well, let's just hope that we don't have to deal with stupid asshole drivers tomorrow morning.:| That's clearly not what I need.

The Author

MISSING YOU...:'-(

It's a good thing I can keep track of my daily life here. I've noticed that my emotions tend to get really negative during the end of every month. You may call it PMS or whatever the hell you like.:| I just need to make sure that this doesn't hurt anybody, including myself.
*deep sigh*
I don't know what was wrong with me last night.:( Come to think of it, it was pretty embarrassing. I felt so stupid. I know that if you're already (considered) a real grown-up, you're supposed to (know just how to) handle this matter elegantly/gracefully/whatever.
Okay, it all started when Hani texted my cellphone last night. (For the record, she's my best friend and just the greatest person.:) I'm not blaming her for this or anything, because the real problem is just...me.:|) We usually keep each other posted when we don't get to see each other for real.
Then she told me about Nick's trip to NY. To be honest, I was a bit...stunned. He simply e-mailed her that, but never told me?? I thought we usually let each other know, like we normally did back then. What happened to us? I understand that we can only be just friends, because I chose to stick to what I believe in.
Maybe I was just being overly sensitive over nothing. But somehow, I wasn't thinking straight last night. I mean, I know that we don't talk as often as we used to. We're both busy with life. The last time we actually chatted online, the timing was always lousy. I couldn't stay long because of work. He was tired from college, studying, or working on some paper. He needed sleep. That's okay. I can totally understand that. (Been there, done that.) I can also understand that he can no longer afford the expensive long-distant phone bills, especially with the global crisis going on lately. So, he doesn't call anymore. No more texts exchanged too.
I somehow dialled his number last night. I couldn't stop myself. After he picked up and answer with that awfully familiar "Hello?", I started freaking out and hung up quickly. God, I miss that warm, sweet voice so much.:( But I just couldn't bear to hear that. It hurt...
So I just dropped the phone and...sobbed.:'-( I thanked God that last night was pretty dead quiet at home. By the time I was done, I looked in the mirror in my bedroom and just hated what I saw. I looked all too familiar. Same haircut, same teary-eyed, sappy look on my face...
...just like that morning on June 15 at the airport. It was the day I had to let him go, the day when I'd looked at him with tears in my eyes. I still remember his smoky-blue eyes and sweet smile as he said softly, "Smile."
"I've been so stupid. I know I should've told you this sooner, "I'd stammered through my tears. "I love you."
"I know," he'd just gently said that before hugging me close for one last time. Then he left without looking back again. Just like that.
...........................
*sighs*
I've made the right decision. I chose my religion over him, and I'd simply do it again. I'm not sorry for that.
I'm just sorry that we can't be together because of that. But I won't change my mind. It's been the hardest thing to do, although a part of me will always love him. No lie.
I need to get away. I need to live this city to escape memories of him. Even my own room still reminds me of him despite the major re-arrangement.:(
I also need to escape this New Year's Eve. Last NYE, he managed to call me at midnight - just to wish me a Happy New Year.
God, help me please...:'-(

The Author

THE BOILING POINT

I love working out.:D Regular exercise is good. Sweat is good. It can kill off your stress. It definitely releases endorphin to make you feel happier, probably a lot more than just eating your favourite Belgian chocolate.*big evil grin* I know your body tends to ache sometimes after that, but it's still a damn good thing. You get to lose more weight, an advantage most women desire. YAY! You don't get to deal with big-mouthed assholes out there who'll call you 'fatso', just because they think it's harmless.*rolls eyes* (Although sadly, if you happen to look as hot as their fantasy, super-sexy models in Maxim - they tend to use that as a sick excuse to harass you.:| So much for a so-called equal respect and emancipation. Ha!)
Want me to tell you another damn good thing about having a regular work-out?:P It can help you release all your negative energy from within. It can crush your pent-up anger to pieces - or should I say, beads of sweat. Oh, yeah! Especially when you're fantasizing about murders and sometimes silently wishing you could just get the hell out of the car, come up to that asshole, public minivan driver behind the steering wheel who just loooves pissing other people off on the street during heavy traffic by making a two-way road into just one by intentionally blocking the other way, although it's obviously wrong and it makes vehicles from the opposite direction can't pass easily. And then, what if we happen to go face-to-face with these kind of drivers during heavy traffic in Jakarta? Normally, we'll just honk loudly and furiously at them and tell them to just move to the right freaking side - because THEY are the ones breaking the rules. But hell, want to know their reaction? They just talk back. Worse. They simply yell back at you. They swear. They cuss. They simply refuse to be blamed at all. No, they're not wrong. NEVER! (Yeah, right.*rolls eyes*) It's just the fucking traffic that makes them (have to) do all that same old shit. There are always other things and people to blame for what they do. They never want to be responsible for what they do. They know no shit about patience, but still have the nerve to tell others to be patient with them. WTF?! Why? They're simply uneducated and also bloody insecure. (Okay, for the record, I feel sorry for the 'uneducated' part - but using that as an excuse to get away with every shit they put others through?:( Just give me a Goddamned break here! There's this thing called self-learning through daily observations, and they don't even want to think.*scoffs*) Oh, and their ego is easily bruised. How pathetic. How weak. They can only bitch to my cousin and me, simply calling us: "Rich brats!" or "Wealthy bitches!" Well, fuck you, stupid assholes!:x Fuck all of you who just love making daily traffic in Jakarta get even worse by what you do. Unfortunately, you're way too damn selfish, shallow, and ignorant to do a reality check with yourselves. So fucking what if my cousin gets to drive her dad's car to the gym with me? Ha! No wonder you're not going anywhere. Your sick jealousy over other people's fortune is just beyond weak and pathetic. Please, I never want to undermine poorer people.:( But with a sick attitude like that, don't ever expect to get any sympathy nor even respect from me. No shit! You don't even know how to be respectful to ladies.
Thank God I let you live today, you miserable bastards. Thank God I didn't come out of the car and just bash your stupid head against the window until the glass could break and the shards could've cut your arteries deep, so you'd have definitely bled yourself to death. But mind you, I thought about it. Thank God I didn't do it, but still - go to hell, anyway!:x
...........................
*deep sigh*
Looks like it's only temporary.:( I'm still angry.
Tiger, I wish I had at least half of your patience...

The Author

A LOST IDEALIST IN REALITY...

Lately, I've been watching TV news and silently wondering:
My country (still, I hope) accepts five different religions to be in here. Islam, Christian, Catholic, Hindu, and Buddha. Now six, with Kong Hu Chu (sp?), I guess. (If I'm not mistaken, especially since after the late former president Soeharto resigned in 1998.) As far as I (can really) remember, long before the riots in May 1998 took place, every citizen in this country had had no serious problems to pray and celebrate their religion-related special days freely. No prejudice, no harsh judgement, and no obviously pure, intense hatred on each other. We were all mere mortals anyway. No necessary fuss about the differences between us. It was all about respect and tolerance upon each other. Peace in pluralism.
Yesterday, I watched the news about more guards being placed to protect those who wanted to celebrate Christmas openly and peacefully. There's been this constant, common fear about possible intruders/gate-crashers bringing the bombs in. I can understand that, especially with all the shits that have taken place/been going on lately. Nowhere is ever really safe anymore. Comfort zone is only illusion.
But still, it saddens me so.:( Is this the kind of life my country's really after these days? Can we all go back to the time when we didn't have to gaze at someone's face and silently wonder if it weren't a mask for something seriously hideous underneath? Is it possible for us to return to the time when it was safe, it was okay to just reach out for someone's hand and not (have to) worry whether it was a friend's or enemy's?
Has innocence ever really existed in the beginning? Or maybe it's also an illusion. Maybe we've all been asleep for too long, or taking too many sleeping pills that look as interesting as those colourful candies in the store.
Maybe - once again - I'm just as naive as a gullible child, or a lost idealist within this absurd reality. But if I am so naive/gullible/whatever, then why do I still refuse to pretend that this world isn't getting crazier by the day?
I also read the news about the decreasing numbers of foreign tourists coming to my country. Why? It's all because of The Stupid Bill (UU APP). They're afraid.
Where the hell am I exactly? And why am I still (stuck in) here?
*deep sigh*
Tiger never forgets to remind me how strong I actually am. He keeps saying that I'm a good fighter.
Tell me now, how can I not love this guy?:) These days, I need to believe that.
And as always, so help me, God.

The Author

SIMPLY PONDERING...

I forgot to mention that I visited Fitri and D in Panglima Polim last Monday afternoon, right after FCE. We talked a while before I finally returned home. Fitri said that Nezzie wanted to have fun with us after Christmas.:) Good idea.
I wasn't tempted tp look at Grandpa's old house there.:( I guess I could understand his feelings that day. Mom said he was still adjusting to the new house in Veteran...really hard. I guess sometimes sentimentality can be much stronger than common sense.
Why?:( Why is it still so hard to move on for some people out there? Am I one of them too - whether I realize it or not?
Have I been walking forward while my head is still turning back? Don't we all do that - at some point? I guess it's just the law of the universe we can't really avoid. I mean, although I've already known since I started learning to read that my own language - Bahasa Indonesia - never owns it, now I know why past tense exists. Most stories are written in that form.
Nick once asked me if I could've just 'carried' Tiger in my heart. Well, I did. In a way, I still do. I guess I always will, but it's not just for Tiger. It's also for Nick. And Joza. And Nanda too.
In other words, it's all for the guys I've ever loved...and still. For their ability to just open the usually locked doors to my isolated castle, and their kindness too.:) I'll never forget. They just inspire me.
Thank God, for having brought them over. This world is getting crazier by the day, but You always manage to remind me that real, good guys still exist out there.
*deep sigh*
...........................
Then why can't I move on, like my brother has?:| Okay, scratch that. Why does it take a very long time for me to finally do that? I know it might sound pathetic to you. I mean, look at my brother and his new girlfriend Dindi. Most of them say, it's all about your mind-setting. (Is it really true, anyway?) They all think it's just that easy. Well, maybe it is in some matters - like changing your cellphone numbers or getting a new haircut.
*sighs* I don't know. Once again, I'm not making much sense here. Maybe I'm not as practical as I thought I was.*shrugs* Maybe they've always been right about me. I am strange. I tend to choose the hardest way out of (almost) everything in life.
Like, for example, when I'm using a cellphone.:P (I know it's not exactly the appropriate analogy, but I just can't think of anything else right now.) While most people in Jakarta love changing cellphones when the new version comes out, I usually stick to the old one until it completely loses its entire abilities/just...dies. Then I'll bid my farewell to it as I turn to the new one. Thanks for your service and everything. It's just like that.
There's nothing wrong with being loyal to something you believe in/someone you have true feelings for - I guess, especially if they do you good. But sadly, nothing lasts forever here. You just have to know and be ready when to let go.
Will I ever be able to do the same thing again if it turns out that Tiger and I aren't meant for each other and that he falls for someone else? I have to, right? Just like before. As long as he's happy and not getting hurt too many times again.
Then, what about me?
As usual, I can only rely on God. It's all in God's Hands. The past, the present, and the future. Strengths and weaknesses.
Well, I guess that's just all for this entry.:) So far, I'm filling up my long holiday with more reading, writing, and exercise. Good times.
For those of you who are celebrating Christmas, may you have a peaceful one.

TWO WEDDINGS AND A(N INDONESIAN) MOTHER'S DAY

Why is it hard for me to sleep early lately?:( And why is it also hard for me to just wake up early too?
Okay, don't answer.:P Those two questions are just for me. Hehe.*giggles* I don't know.*shrugs* Maybe it has something to do with my not-so-common working hours. (From one until seven - and sometimes nine pm on every Tuesday and Thursday.) Or maybe it was also because of my flu and sore throat for the past week. I've even skipped gym for that!:(
No more.:| No more skipping gym, especially since I also need to recover from my illness and get myself back in (good) shape.
I've also stopped consuming the anti-allergy syrup.:( It always makes me feel drowsy and automatically puts me to deep sleep. I mean, how can I be more productive during this long term break if I keep falling asleep?:P That was what really happened to me for the past couple of days!
A couple of entries ago, somebody guessed that I might've been from the US. Another also thought of me as full of egotism and narcissisism - right after only reading that entry.
...........................
Ha-ha.:P For person no.1, the answer is no. I'm from Indonesia and I live in Jakarta. And yes, my country's government is being keen on dangerous stupidity called The Stupid Bill (UU APP). You may check www.thejakartapost.com for more information about my country.;)
For person no.2? No comment here.:P You can check my short response on your own blog.*sneers* Trust me, I don't want to start a stupid fight with anybody online.
Anyway, I've attended two weddings in a row yesterday.:P The first one was my cousin Seto's with his long-term girlfriend FitriH. (Finally, they all said with relief.) Since Seto and I are the same age (he was born in December), I had to deal with The Question once again.*rolls eyes* But luckily, this time I've got my answer:
"When's your turn?"
"I don't have the answer right now, so just keep praying."
There.*big evil grin* I hope I don't sound either too rude or desperate. (YUCK!)
Last year, whenever I complained about that to Nick, he just smiled and calmly said, "Don't worry about that, dear. Next time they ask you that again, I'll give them the answer.":)
:(...
*deep sigh*
I've made the right decision, haven't I, God?:( It's for the best, I believe.
But I'd be lying to you if I told you all that I didn't miss him at all...
*sighs* Nevermind. It's no use dwelling on the past. None of us were really ready, anyway. I could sense that from the last time we talked. Like it or not, I've got to move on.
Right. At the second wedding, somebody told me that I looked 18! YAY!!:D Can you believe that? That made the zuppa-zup taste more delicious after I'd heard that.*giggles*
I just attended the last FCE session this morning.:) Oh, how was the speaking test, btw? Quite good, I guess. I had a little problem with my speed in speaking, I could do it in less than two solid minutes. (Only 1:30!) Nevertheless, I believe I've stated my point of view.:P
If the next time the task is about "Reasons To Attend A Wedding", my answer will be: "To get free meals!" Haha.*big evil grin*
Before I end this entry, I'd like to say Happy (Indonesian) Mother's Day!:D Mom's always the best.
Hani just texted me, asking me to wish Mom that - because her own had already passed away.:(
She's the motherless, but I'm the one near tears today.:'-(*snifs*

The Author

HONESTY, ANYWAY

Report card, day two. Finally, this is the last day of work. After this, a long, year-end break awaits.:D Yippee!
What am I going to do after this?:) Many things. Sadly, thanks to the damn flu and sore throat, I've been skipping gym classes for a week.:| No more.
I'm also seriously looking for a feelance, side-job during this long break. I'm also still looking for a scholarship abroad - to USA or UK at least.:D Honestly, I'd love to meet Tiger for real someday, at least once in my life. After that, who knows?*shrugs* As much as I still have the same old feelings for him, I must be realistic. Who knows what tomorrow can bring? Only God, right?;)
There.:P I've just said it. I don't care. It's all about honesty, anyway. I know he can read this anytime he likes. (Although he's actually very busy with work lately, so...*big evil grin*) Besides, I actually don't need to tell him any of this anymore. He's already known and it's okay.:) It's been four years. Long ago, I told him that this would never change and I meant it. I still do. I'm not afraid anymore.
But it's up to God.:) Just like before. For somebody this special, a greater deal of patience is always required. But what's more important is that he and I are still both equally happy, whatever may come. No promises. No high expectations. Plus, no matter how much it will hurt, you just have to know when to completely let go - if it's just not meant to be.:P
Then, what about Nick?
*deep sigh* It was a beautiful, sunny June. I'll never forget his sweet smile, beautiful smoky-blue eyes, and soft red hair.:) I've loved him too and still care about him. But he and I both know the odds that are against us. I guess that's why he chose to step back first and it was okay.
But we're still good friends.:D That's something I'm forever grateful of.
...........................
Alright, enough about guys.:P
One of my TE students - a humble book editor/freelance translator/freelance proofreader named DJ - proudly told me that for the next presidential election in April 2009 - he'd never vote for anybody. In fact, he's been a non-voter for the previous three elections. Why? Just like me, he no longer buys all the craps they're selling out for the public's (temporary) sympathy and support. In the end, they're all just the same.
Indeed.*rolls eyes* Very true.

The Author

THE DARK AGE???:P

Report card, day one. Again, Mom is worried about me coming home late at night. I could only say, "I'll try not to." No promises. Why? I'm not really sure. Besides, although I totally understand her worry, I always prefer facing the darkness out there head first. I mean, come on. This isn't just a (so-called *rolls eyes*) man's world. I live here too. I have the right to walk alone at night without fear of being attacked or getting hurt.:(
...........................
*deep sigh*
No, I'm not angry with Mom. I'm just sick of the world lately, especially my country's government here. But what else can I do?*shrugs* Nothing.:P I'm just taking care of myself and being careful with everything else.
I read about the local artists' major concern about how The Stupid Bill (UU APP) may badly affect their artistic works.:| So, authors, dancers, musicians, actors, directors, cinematographers, dancers, painters, sculptors, sketchers, designers, etc. - please beware. The Dark Age is coming again.
I left a comment on that article - my sarcastic style, of course *big evil grin*:

"Maybe for us who want to publish our artistic works should put a HUGE DISCLAIMER like this one:

'This is not a pornographic ARTWORK - UNLESS SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN. Please CONSULT YOUR PSYCHIATRIST before you proceed.'

And please, stop using the word 'porno-action', because that's not in any dictionaries at all and it sounds so bloody stupid. Only stupid people use it, thank you very much.:P"

Hehe.*big evil grin* I don't care anymore. If the supporters of The Stupid Bill read that and get angry with me for implying them as idiots, fine. That's their problem.*shrugs* They may think I'm a total bitch, but at least I'm not a hypocrite.*rolls eyes*

The Author

THE FCE ASSIGNMENT - SPEECH PRACTICE

Before I start this entry, I'd like to remind you that - without meaning to offend nor pass harsh judgement on other people - this is merely my own personal opinion. So, if you think I'm just being a little too cynical with this one, then I'm really sorry - because I actually still am, in some ways.:P
Alright, everyone. So here's my problem:
I've got another FCE assignment for next week on Monday morning at nine. This time, I must prepare a two-minute speech for my English fluency-speaking test. I'm going to present you the topic, plus my personal opinion about it:

People have many, different reasons to get married. Among these ten, choose one (whether to state your 'for' or 'against' opinion) and give the reason why:

(Yes, for a major step in life like this one - we ought to be extra careful, rational, and sensible. Oh, and don't forget having extra courage too, as Mom often proudly puts it.:P)

1.Companionship.

(Yeah, don't we all need that?:) However, what kind of companion do we really need, not just want? The one who wants to keep an eye on us 24/7 and not let us breathe and be who we really are - a.k.a.The Possessive, Ego-maniacal Psychopath *rolls eyes* or the one who'll treat us as an equal partner and a true friend? But hey, as a sensible realist, I guess I've already known my answer!:P)

2.Financial security.

(Okay, I know that - in Islam, at least - a husband's obligation is to financially support his family. However - especially these days - it's also a must for every woman to gain her knowledge in education and financial independence. Besides, Islam actually NEVER forbids women to achieve more positive goals outside their families and homes.:P Whoever thinks the opposite, I bet they don't know the real truth yet. Ha!)

3.Love.

(Okay, who says that we must always be 100% rational about everything?:P That's clearly impossible, knowing that we're just merely mortals, hehe. I know there are still so many cynics out there - including still, a part of me, I guess - who often question: "What's love, anyway?" The eternal optimists may possibly say: "With love, we can do anything - even the most impossible!" The gloomy pessimists can say: "Love? Can love provide food for the hunger? Is 'only' love enough?"

"Your love alone/is not enough/not enough/not enough..." - Manic Street Preachers feat.Nina Persson

I don't want to sound too either too naive nor sarcastic here. Can love provide everything we need? What do we really need, actually? Actually, it must. It's supposed to, or else it won't be called 'love' at all. Besides, if it doesn't come from the heart, then it just won't glow. Yes, as a cynic, deep down inside - I still believe in that. It's not just about choosing someone you want (and need) to spend the rest of your lives with. It's also about accepting your dream jobs, making friends, etc. Whether we realize it or not, there's already been a subconscious pattern in all of us - each of us.
Btw, love is not just a choice, but also a responsibility. I mean, if you love yourself, you won't let yourself starve to death, will you - no matter how? That's actually the same thing with how we treat other living beings here on earth - and even our personal belongings. The question is, how do we want to be treated in return?)

4.To please your parents.

(Okay, as noble as this may sound, let's ask yourself. You're the one getting married, right? You're the one living it. Every good child wants to make their parents feel happy, but what about the child's happiness too? That doesn't mean it's selfish to think of it.:|)

5.To escape from your parents.

(You actually can do that by getting a good job out of town or even abroad. Then they'll have no choice but to let you go. I mean, they can't keep their children with them forever, can they? You don't need to get married to do just that. And honestly, this reason is somewhat silly and...tad cowardice. Well, to me at least.)

6.To have children.

(No comment on this one. Just check out the real world yourself.:P)

7.To have a comfortable old age.

(How do we make ourselves feel comfortable first? Life is full of discomforts along the way. How do we deal with that - no matter how old we are, with or without anybody beside us? Somehow, I still believe that you must be happy with yourself first before starting a relationship with another - or else you'll burden that someone to make you feel happy. If you don't like this, just blame it on Teri Hatcher - because that's actually her quote.:P)

8.To gain social respect.

(Ha-ha.*sneers* This is where we may start asking our true intentions if we worry about...them. Is our true purpose all about gaining a mere status, social respect/acknowledgement, or whatever? Aren't we the one getting married? Besides, we can't always please everybody, right? Believe, the question doesn't just stop there. Next, they'll start poking your personal business with questions about kids, their schools, their boyfriends/girlfriends...and the list goes on and on forever. A vicious circle of questions.:P)

9.Reach the age when people are getting married.

(Okay, so what? Why do we need to feel so bloody insecure about it? Why do we even bother? Everybody's different. Why must we push other people to start writing on the same page, if they still focus on other priorities to fulfil first?)

10.All your friends are married.

(Again, so what???)

I still believe that The Right One for each of us comes along in the right time, especially regarding our true intentions. Yes, God is that kind to us. But, since this is only for my FCE assignment, I can only choose one to comment on.
Pretty tricky, huh?:P

The Author

STRANGE, COSMIC REVELATIONS???

I was supposed to go see Extreme live in concert here last night, but I didn't. Why?

1.I've been feeling ill lately. Flu and the sore throat too. That was why:

2.I didn't bother to ask my brother again for the lost number of the tour's organizer. (Just changed to my new cellphone and I forgot to copy the inbox messages too.:P)

Well, that's okay.:) No regrets. I'm not much of a fan, anyway. My brother didn't go either, but that wasn't the point. It just wasn't meant to be.
Besides, I have another great reason to feel relieved and grateful with my decision:
If I'd gone to that rock concert last night, I wouldn't have met Tiger online.:D Hehe.
True, it's been a very long time since the last time we chatted.:) God, I've missed him so. Thank You for answering my prayer on that once again.
Btw, it's strange but true. Do you believe in a coincidence?:P What if the same thing happens more than once, twice, or even three times - although not really that consecutive? Can you still call that 'a coincidence'?
I don't know.*shrugs* Maybe. Like I've said a few entries back, I don't want to over-speculate things. Although I believe in certain metaphysical phenomenon, I must also think rationally.
Actually, it's been almost this way more often than possible for the last four years.:) Whenever Tiger and I lose contact for quite some time and I start to wonder about him, I usually get either a surprise call or just meet him online. Either just a mere coincidence, some unexplainable cosmical connection, or God being this kind to me - or maybe all of the above.*big evil grin*
Okay, I guess I'm starting to lose my head here.*giggles*
Tiger's getting better, btw.:D No more fever, he said, so he's pretty happy. Good.
But the strange thing is, a week before his illness announcement came out on his Facebook profile, I'd dreamed of him smiling. In my people's belief, seeing someone smile in your dream usually means the opposite.
Well, no surprise, actually. I've somehow gotten 'it' from Mom. But it's not like in the movies, where every dream (either literal or symbolical) always come true - right away. It's sort of more like a deja vu, when you strat remembering your previous dream and get to relate it to what's happening in reality - sometime after that.
Okay, I know that I'm not good at explaining this, but let me give you an example:
A week before Grandma passed away, Mom had dreamed of seeing so many visitors at Grandma's old house in Panglima Polim, South Jakarta. (It was sold now.) At that time, Grandma had been in a coma from her stroke.

I've told Tiger about this and he was pretty amazed.:P And yes, I've had similar experiences before. Once when I was still a student in ILP, I'd dreamed of my new teacher next term. It was a British lad named Ross. In my dream, he was telling me to get into class immediately.
When the new term started, I checked the students' lists and found my name under this guy's class:

Basic 3 - Ross Glifford

No kidding.:P

If it's a good dream, of course I don't mind having it come true. But, if it's a horrible nightmare (like the one about me killing a random guy in white on the street one night), I hope it'll stay a nightmare only.
I hope it's only my nonsensical paranoia...:(

The Author

BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES...:P

I've been a little too caught up with work and my own anger over The Stupid Bill (UU APP) in my country lately.:( Well, you can't really blame me for that. This time, let me start this entry with recaps of other things in life lately.
Time flies, doesn't it? Grandpa's old house in Panglima Polim has just been sold and now he's moving to Depsos-Veteran - not far from where I live.
My sister's getting literally BIG.:P Hehe. Honestly, I envy her for having a damn good reason to gain more weight.:P That's what happens to the majority of pregnant women, right?
Sometime ago, Nick once asked me about how I was holding up so far. I typed, ok. The truth is, I don't mind at all. Really, as long as she's happy. But still, I sometimes notice that she still acts like a spoiled, bratty teenager to Mom and my brother. Mommy, where's my shirt? Do this and that, and all that jazz. To be honest with you, I'm silently worried here.
What's going to happen when the baby is born? Will she become more mature like all grown-women should?
I don't know. Maybe. I hope so, because the truth is - pregnant or not - she still gets special treatments.
She once asked Mom what she'd do if the baby were born and she had to go back to work. And Mom, a former career woman herself and always keen on pleasing her precious one, simply said, "That's okay. There are still plenty people at home who can watch over your baby while you're at work. Me, your siblings - "
"What?" my brother cut in, unusually sharp. Me? I kept my mouth shut the entire time. Why? I didn't want to sound like a harsh, insecure freaky sister by directly saying no. No way. But I knew she was serious and...well-determined about the whole idea. Somehow, I knew that this would be coming soon. Especially since they all know I work in the afternoon until late at night. My only excuses in the morning are the internal trainings, FCE, and gym. What else?
...........................
Oh, my God.:( Now I sound like a horrible person. Worst of all, they might think I'm just a selfish, immature brat who just doesn't care. Knowing how manipulative my sister can be sometimes, she'll probably just urge me to start 'practising my maternal-instinct' - while Mom always agrees with everything she says. Once in a while is fine, but what if everyday?*gulps* I mean, give me a break, man. Call me old-fashioned or whatever you like, but the baby should be her and The Husband's responsibility.
*deep sigh*
Alright, I know I'm being paranoid here.:( But still, I've got to do something about this situation. I must find my own place to stay. I know I can't do it here, because Mom will always have excuses to keep me. Out-of-town plans won't work either. (I still remember my rejected plan to rent a small dorm in Depok with a college friend as a roommate long ago.)
That's why getting a scholarhsip abroad is very, very important for me. That way, she won't have any other reasons left to keep me here. She knows what I badly want (and need). It's all about gaining my true independence. It's all about wanting (and needing) to take care of myself first, before being able to take care of someone else (like in marriage, I reason.)
But the sad thing is, I can't talk to any of them about this. They'll only think I'm strange, as always. Me and my westernized idealism, they'll say. (And it has nothing to do with certain cultural values, may I assure you!)
Besides, living in one house with so many people can take up your personal space sometimes. One of the results is my insomnia. I must often wait until everybody is asleep to concentrate on my work. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because I love quiet.:P
*sighs* Now I sound like Dr.Seuss' Grinch...:|
In the meantime, I'll just keep on searching and trying...
Good news.:) My brother is dating a lovely girl named Dindi. I haven't met her personally yet (although, not surprisingly, my family has), but I've heard good stories about her. I've seen their picture together on my brother's Facebook.:P Cute, with creamy-coloured chubby cheeks. Mom said she's the combination of...err, my sister and me. She's tall like my sister, but a tomboy like me.*giggles* She plays basketball and loves Converse too.
Well, at least my brother is happy.:D
I'd also like to congratulate my pal Al from South Africa, who just got married to his girlfriend Mads on November 29.:D Thanks for the pics, man. I'm happy for you both!
Tiger is sick.:( Tiger, if you happen to read this, please let me know how you're doing so far, okay? And get well soon.
I'm also still battling the damn flu here.:( At least I've finished this entry, before my head explodes from thinking too much...*big evil grin*

The Author

DIZZYING THOUGHTS...

THE(FEMALE)WORKERS' LATE-NIGHT BLUES

In order to start this entry in a much cheerful way, I'll just begin with good news:
I've got a new cellphone from my family for my birthday gift.:D I love it! Now I can start my artistic works with better gadgets. My old one is already a bit shattered on the screen and the battery is dying everyday. It's nice that they know what I really need.:)
Well, I've been teaching TE every Tuesday and Thursday night at seven. It often finishes at sometime around 8:30 to nine (especially if we start a bit late.:P) By the time I'm about to go home, it's kind of hard for me to find the quickest ride home from the local public transportations around. First, most fellow teachers don't share the same destinations after that. (Sometimes I ride home with Jules in her car after work until Bintaro's intersection, and then I can continue from there with a public minivan. Jules lives in Bintaro, like Nezzie too. But these days, Jules doesn't get TE classes.)
Second, oftentimes, the streets are much quieter after nine. Usually, it takes quite some time for me before the public minivan for my destination finally turns up.
And sometimes, I need to go to the 'net-bar' for this and every other thing.:P I don't have the time to do that in the early morning. I have gym classes or sometimes I need to go somewhere else.
*deep sigh*
I can totally understand that Mom worries so much about my safety out there at night.:| In this stupid world of patriarchy, will women ever get equal respect and safety as the outdoor, late-nighters? Sadly, I'm afraid not. True, even in big cities like Jakarta.:( And I know damn well it's not really about the gender. Mom often says she trusts me. She knows I'm brave and independent enough to take care of myself. She believes I know when it's time to watch my own back and defend.
She just doesn't trust the rest of the world out there with me. She's also more than well-aware of my temper, which can get me in trouble sometimes.
But what can I do? I can't just drop the class and ask the principal to assign somebody else at work. And no, I won't. Hell fucking no!:x I won't even give a shit if The Stupid Bill (UU APP) can give me a hard time about it, especially since Ciputat is the corner of Tangerang. They want to allege me with prostitution charges, just because I happen to be a woman on the way home alone at night? Well, they can all go fuck themselves to death!:x I never tolerate any kind of slandering on women over petty excuses.
Those who support such stupidity keep saying that it won't happen like that with women. Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* As if we were that stupid. These days, all the either desperate or greedy souls can (and will) do anything for (more) money. I mean, why the hell not?*sneers* The Stupid Bill can always be freely multi-interpreted as they please, depending on one's need. After all, that's the whole damn idea, right?
Two other female teachers who share the same shift as I do also fear the same way The Stupid Bill might possibly impact them. One's planning to drop her night-class, which I totally disagree. Why? If she did, that would only mean agreeing to their partial opinion that no women deserve real respect and safety out there at night. Besides, we're just teachers - not prostitutes. Can't they tell the difference, or they're just way too dumb, blind, and ignorant to notice what's already too fucking obvious?

The Author

THE LISTS:

The things that make me feel relieved today:

1.I've survived my presentation last Saturday - in a good way.:D Although the movie file couldn't be opened (yikes!:|), at least they seemed well-satisfied and liked my demo.

2.This term is almost over.:D YAY! After this, I'll have long year-end break until January 12 from December 20. (Well, except for the TE, that is - which will start again on January 6.:P) I'm still having FCE classes on Wednesday mornings until March, but that's okay.:) I like that class.

My plans for this long holiday ahead:

1.More exercises. No excuses.

2.Getting another side-job so that I can still earn some money during term break. It's hard to survive only on one job in Jakarta.

3.Writing, writing, and writing.

What upsets me the most (until I feel like biting people's heads off!:x):

1.AMINEF rejected my scholarship application.:(

2.Our 'Dear, Beloved' Mr.President SBY has finally signed the legal document for...The Stupid Bill (UU APP). 'Yay'.*sneers* From now on, my country will be working on gradual to permanent segregation. Forget corruption. Why? The highly-corrupting government of this country is willing to teach and lecture the people about moral values - without having their own checked first. Wheee! We're not going to think for ourselves, because - with The Stupid Bill (UU APP) fully-supported by The President and The House of The 'So-Called' Representatives - we are going to be forever dictated and told what to do about which is right and wrong. Why? Because we're still (considered) too stupid and immature be able to tell the difference. The most horrible news is, if you're a woman - they only see (and treat) you here more as mere objects. Aren't we all dumb, brainless Barbies need to be overdressed so the lads won't lose it like all dogs do???

Dear 'Kind' Sir, thank you very much for tearing this country apart. We could never thank you enough for such a banged-up job!!!

The Author

A STUPID, MELODRAMATIC STATE

I've been trying to numb myself again lately. Okay, I know that this sounds rather pathetic. But oftentimes, feeling too much about a lot of things can get you seriously distracted and...somehow listless.
No success.:| But the truth is, I don't even know if I really want to be that numb...again. In fact, I'm not sure what I really want these days.*shrugs*
They say that more exercises can help you to produce more endorphin to make you feel happy. Well, I've just started again, after quite some time. I know that it takes a while before I can start feeling the effect. Don't get me wrong. I'm no longer obsessed with my weight. I know I can never be thin or even skinny. It's not in my gene.:P I have big bones. But I know it'll be nice for me to lose a few pounds and be much slimmer again. Healthier too.:)
Yesterday morning, I did something embarrassing in FCE class. We were given copies of a very touching true story from the "Chicken Soup" collections called "She Had His Heart" - a story about a girl marrying her dying boyfriend. (He had terminal cancer.) By the time I had to read the beautiful, romantic poem the guy wrote to her - I couldn't do it. Guess what? I cried in class.:'-( Very grown-up, don't you think?:P
*blushes*
I guess I have no choice but to finally accept the fact about the sometimes imbalance of...female hormones.:| But luckily, I'd managed to compose really quickly. (I'm 27, for God's sake - not seven!) The teacher thought I was sensitive. (Oh, yeah. Like everyone in class didn't notice that about me already?:P)
Or maybe, my friend Ki has been right. A couple of years ago, he told me this:
"The older we get, the more sensitive we become."
...........................
*deep sigh*
I hate this.:( I hate feeling so utterly vulnerable, while the world is getting crazier and out of hand lately. Tiger has told me not to lose faith, and - believe me - I never (want to) stop trying. I'm not too ashamed or hypocritical to admit that - sometimes - I'm slipping away. I'm only human. I make mistakes too, but still want to repent.
God, help me, please.:( I know I've never really been good to You. But please, don't let them touch me. Don't let them get to me or clip my 'wings'. For me, being caged is a lot scarier than death itself. (Especially with their stupid rules in this country.*scoffs*)
I hope Mr.President SBY is not as dumb as The House of The Representatives to just easily sign the legal document for The Stupid Bill (UU APP). Otherwise, this country is as good as...dead.:x
About two weeks ago on Saturday, I was having lunch in Burger King alone. They were a few boys entering, one a male Caucasian. My heart skipped a beat! He wasn't tall nor athletically built. But he was quite pale. He had the same smoky-blue eyes and soft long hair. He was even wearing the same, dark blue T-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts.
But he was a brunet, not a redhead.
When the other guys left to order, he was sitting alone at a table - practically next to mine! I'd almost given in to my sudden urge to just come up to him and boldly ask: "You know? You kind of remind me of someone I know. But he hates junk-food."
Hani just texted me this morning, saying that he was online and said hi to me.
I miss him.:(
But I must move on, right? There's no point in hanging on to a dream - especially if the dream and you just don't belong together in the same page anymore...

The Author

TWO BIG, MOUTHED ASSHOLES VS. ONE ANGRY BITCH

My Friday went okay. My Saturday?? Well, here we go...
I woke up early for my private tutoring in Bintaro at nine. I hopped on a public minivan after buying and eating a chocolate bar for...umm, my quick, emergency breakfast.:P I sat next to the driver - a hideous-looking dude with crooked teeth and one bloodshot eye. When we reached the fork next to the railway, the traffic was a bit heavy. Since I happened to be the only passenger left, guess what he did.
"Sorry, Miss. I need to turn back," he said easily. "You can walk a little until you find another public minivan there."
I sighed. Alright. Whatever.*rolls eyes* But then, he suddenly grinned at me and said, "That's okay. Just walk a little and lose some of your weight."
What?? I glared at him angrily.
"Well, I don't need to be reminded of that," I shot back as I slammed the door shut. His grin faded quickly. I didn't bother to stick around any longer.
Then I took another public minivan to Arteri Bintaro. I got off there and an ojek rider (almost like taxis, but they ride motorcycles) called out to me and offered me his service. Not wanting to be late, I accepted gladly. But, by the time we arrived at my destination, he gleefully told me, "Give me a 15 grand, because my bike's been burdened by your weight."
Huh?? My jaw dropped and I blinked. Noticing my expression, he casually added with no guilt, " I mean you're fat."
No. Not twice in a day. Not another junior high school nightmare, please. NO!
Long ago, I would've cried at that or just kept quiet, burying the hurt inside.
But not today.
"Want me to reduce your fare?" I threatened him curtly, showing him the money without giving it to him.
"No."
"Well, I can do that." And hell, I would.
"Come on," he pleaded, now laughing a little uncomfortably. But I wasn't joking.
"I'm going to give you this if you apologize."
"Hey..."
"Hey, what?!" I barked. He fell silent immediately, but still managed his sickening grin.
"Alright, sorry." But his expression translated the real meaning: 'Gee, you're so touchy, bitch.'
I finally handed him his fare - but with my final word, of course.
"Next time, watch your pipe-hole." Asshole, I added silently. Then, scrutinizing his own heavy-looking posture, I couldn't help but giving him the extra insult: "And check yourself in the mirror first!"
For the second time in a day, I'd made a guy lose his smile. I turned to my student's house and marched in, hearing the motorcycle speed off. Whatever. With two, big-mouthed assholes like that in one freaking day, don't blame me for acting like a total bitch. Nobody has absolutely no right to say awful things about your body. Men and women - no difference. I'd call that harassment.:x If anyone has a problem with the way I look, then just shut the fuck up and leave me alone. First of all, nobody asked their opinion about me. I didn't! I also didn't say a damn thing about crooked teeth and a big bum!
*deep sigh*
That had almost ruined my mood when I finally hung out with the other co-workers at an ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT Japanese restaurant! But most of the other ladies thought I was brave/crazy enough.:P
Hehe.*big evil grin*
But still, I've been planning to straighten myself lately. So, I've just registered myself at a local gym today. No, it's not because of them. I've made up my mind since last month.
Besides, it's about time, anyway. That's all.*shrugs*

The Author